Worst Comic Book Movies

May 25, 2011

Today my mind wandered to the proposed sequel to ‘Batman and Robin’ that was in the works until ‘B&R’ tanked and killed the Bat-franchise for eight years. It was to be called ‘Batman Triumphant’ and feature Harley Quinn (the Joker’s daughter in this one) and The Scarecrow.  Madonna was actually rumored to be up for the part of Harley, a fact that on it’s own makes me glad this movie was never made.

It also got me thinking about the worst comic movies ever. Which are:

– Batman and Robin- The tag team of Joel Schumacher and George Clooney destroyed the franchise with this steaming pile of Bat-turd.  The only thing I liked was that Uma Thurman was kind of hot as Poison Ivy.

– Superman IV: The Quest For Peace- The end of the Christopher Reeve films.  It was essentially Superman vs. nuclear weapons (and a generic villain named Nuclear Man).  It was just awful.

– Captain America- A bad made-for-DVD movie featuring an Italian Red Skull and a Captain America with rubber ears.

– Nick Fury: Agent of Shield- That’s right. The most badass super-spy of all time as played by David Hasslehoff!

– Generation X- A made for TV adaptation of the Marvel comic. It took two of my favorite characters (Jubilee and Emma Frost) and made them extremely uninteresting.  Not even the presence of the usually great Matt Frewer could save this one.

Touching Base

May 24, 2011

Today’s comic had me thinking about the awesome and sometimes odd bases that superheroes have.

Superman, for example, has the Fortress of Solitude. His ultra-protected crystalline home away from home at the North Pole.  But before that(in the old days before the Crisis On Infinite Earths re-wrote DC Comics history) he had a mountain fortress north of Metropolis.  It was a mansion built into the side of a mountain with a big Superman logo on the outside. Not exactly hidden.  Here are some other weird ones.
– The Arrowcave- A rip-off of the Batcave that belonged to Green Arrow.  He had an Arrowplane and an Arrowmobile.  Before he went his own way and became a character that wasn’t just a ripoff of Batman.

– The X-Factor Townhouse- In the days when X-Factor was a government sponsored mutant superteam, they operated out of a townhouse belonging to team member Strong Guy (yeah, Strong Guy).  See?  Not even superheroes with the full weight of the US Government behind them can afford more than a townhouse in Washington DC.

– The Infinite Avengers Mansion-  The Avengers have spent the majority of their career operating out of the Avengers Mansion, a mansion formerly belonging to Iron Man that he donated for the team’s use.  But when they weren’t briefly operating out of a tower or an artificial island, they operated out of the Infinite Avengers Mansion, a sub-dimension of near infinite size that not only contained all the stuff a modern superteam needs, but endless giant photos of the team for when they are feeling vain.

First Class

May 23, 2011

I am sort of getting psyched to see X-First Class. The very idea of an X-Men film set in the 1960’s gives me fanboy giggles.  Seeing Professor X, Magneto, Mystique and The Beast as younger characters is fascinating, as is the inclusion of such characters as Belasco (I am assuming that’s who the red devil guy is supposed to be), Havok, Banshee, Emma Frost and Sebastian Shaw.

I envision that if this film is successful it can become it’s own sub-franchise.  Carrying the story into the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s before catching up with main continuity. And the plethora of untapped X-Men characters and stories leaves a lot of ground to cover.  Maybe they could bring in such great unused characters as X-23, Dazzler, Psylocke, Boomer, Mirage, Magik, Mister Sinister and Mimic.

 

Buffy Buffy Buffy

May 19, 2011

Having caught an episode of Buffy on TV the other, I was thinking about just how much I love this show.  So many memorable characters, great dialogue and awesome monsters.  So I got to thinking about each season and what I like about. So here are my favorite Buffy episodes by season.

Season 1- “Prophecy Girl”- The season 1 finale was a hint of things to come. A showdown with the Big Bad. Plus Buffy dies for the first time.

Season 2- “Becoming”- The two-part season finale (I promise they aren’t all season finales).  Buffy sends Angel to Hell.  It brings a tear to my eye.

Season 3- “Band Candy”- A stand alone episode that featured magically enchanted fundraiser candy reverting adults to their teenaged mindsets.  Highlights include Buffy’s mom crushing on a very punk rock Giles and  Principal Snyder showing that he was as much a weasel as a kid as his was as an adult.

Season 4- “Hush”- I love every season of this show but this was probably the weakest season.  “Hush”, however, stands apart for it’s stellar performances, introduction of Tara and creepy villains The Gentlemen.

Season 5- “The Body”- A very non-supernatural Buffy. The one where Buffy discovers her mother’s dead body and the grief that follows.  It tore me up at the time.

Season 6- “Once More With Feeling”- The musical episode. As a musical fan I really dug this episode.  Plus it served as a great showcase for the singing talents of James Marsters, Anthony Head and Amber Benson.  Not to mention having some of the funniest Anya moments ever.

Season 7- “Conversations With Dead People”- Almost picked ‘The Storyteller’ here for showcasing Andrew but ‘Conversations’ was an emotional firecracker. Dawn think she is talking to her dead mom and Willow thinks she is talking to her dead girlfriend Tara but both turn out to be mind games played by the season’s Big Bad, The First.

 

Obviously there are other great episodes- “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered”, “Dopplegangland”, “Buffy vs. Dracula”, “Fool For Love” and “The Storyteller” just to name a few.

GI JOE

May 18, 2011

Today I was thinking about GI Joe (particularly my lingering childhood crush on The Baroness, whose glasses, dark hair and accent made me hit puberty like four times when I was 12).  And it struck me that there were some really bizarre things going on with the Real American Hero.

– If Destro’s head and face are made of metal then why do his lips move? They never said it was liquid metal or anything.

– If all the other Joes get neat superhero-esque costumes that are definitely not standard issue, why is Shipwreck just wearing standard issue Navy blues?

– Along that line, what was up with Bazooka? His costume was a helmet and  football jersey.

– Was the GI Joe Sgt. Slaughter the same person as the pro wrestler Sgt. Slaughter?  I mean did he join GI Joe after his wrestling career was over?

– Why was Major Bludd never fired if his every battle ended with him ordering a retreat?

– Who paints the grenades? Many Joes had grenades on their uniform that were colored to match their uniform (for example, Roadblock had an orange grenade).  Seriously? Who gets this job?

– Whatever happened to Big Lob? He was the rhyming basketball playing recruit in GI Joe: The Movie.  Did they just realize that it was silly to have a guy whose only skill is playing basketball be a member of GI Joe?