Blog Article

GI JOE

May 18, 2011

Today I was thinking about GI Joe (particularly my lingering childhood crush on The Baroness, whose glasses, dark hair and accent made me hit puberty like four times when I was 12).  And it struck me that there were some really bizarre things going on with the Real American Hero.

– If Destro’s head and face are made of metal then why do his lips move? They never said it was liquid metal or anything.

– If all the other Joes get neat superhero-esque costumes that are definitely not standard issue, why is Shipwreck just wearing standard issue Navy blues?

– Along that line, what was up with Bazooka? His costume was a helmet and  football jersey.

– Was the GI Joe Sgt. Slaughter the same person as the pro wrestler Sgt. Slaughter?  I mean did he join GI Joe after his wrestling career was over?

– Why was Major Bludd never fired if his every battle ended with him ordering a retreat?

– Who paints the grenades? Many Joes had grenades on their uniform that were colored to match their uniform (for example, Roadblock had an orange grenade).  Seriously? Who gets this job?

– Whatever happened to Big Lob? He was the rhyming basketball playing recruit in GI Joe: The Movie.  Did they just realize that it was silly to have a guy whose only skill is playing basketball be a member of GI Joe?